I named this poem after my mum's school for special needs children - Step by Step Learning Centre. I would like to dedicate it to her - my amazing mother Margaret Kenyi, and my beautiful eldest sister Ruth Kenyi.
Step by Step...
I remember it like it was yesterday
As sighs frequented
her breath
And quakes
rippled her voice
My mother
She struggled not to
cry as she gave recount in reply
To my impossible yet inevitable
inquiry
Why?
Why did my beautiful eldest
sister Ruth come to be autistic?
Ruth –in Hebrew it
means companion, friend, vision of beauty
A name so befitting
for my family's beloved ruby
Born healthy, a day in
July, an angel in disguise- my parent’s first child, she opened her eyes
Then at the tender age
of only two, a tragic event she and my parents went through
My sister had a severe
allergic reaction to a vaccination which made her windpipes swell up
obstructing her airway
She endured over 10
minutes without oxygen to her brain
And unfortunately this
caused her to sustain
Permanent brain damage
I will never forget
that unbearable conversation with my mother
My heart crumbled as I
watched the tears flow down from her eyes
So later that night in
bed I took up my impossible inquiry with Ruth’s other and ultimate creator - God
In an unmatched fury I
hurled questions at Him
Where?
Where were you when my
mother cried out to you in her suffering?
Didn't you say you
knew us before we were born?
Didn't you say you pre-destined
us before we were even conceived?
Then how?
How could you allow my sister's purpose to be stolen from her?!
Why her and not me?
Is she not also your child?!
My child – some things you weren't meant to understand
Some things are meant to be kept
between only your sister and I
I DID know and pre-destine her
before she was born
In fact I knew and predestined your
mother before SHE was born too
I heard her that day in the hospital
when she cried out to me
She asked me to send her an angel to
save her baby
And I did
But that doctor was not the only angel I sent her
Tell your mother I sent her baby Ruth
as an angel too
To save other mothers and their
special needs babies…. through her…your mother…she is strong, and
beautiful
Tell your mother I am so proud of her
Tell her she is doing an amazing job
with the school she initiated for children with learning disabilities
She has sacrificed for those babies more
than anyone will ever know –
Tell your mother she too is an angel
And tell your motherthat I, am El
Roi – the God who sees
I see now that your
hand was at work through everything my God
I see now that you used
the broken road that my mother walked to bless others
It’s ironic that she
named her special school Step by Step Learning Centre
I see now that life
itself is a step by step journey to purpose
And to purpose your journey will
lead YOU my child
Your journey- will be different
Encased with sufferings and
sacrifices of its own
But you must always remember that I
will only allow what you can bare
So that I can build you up along the
journey
So that you can build others up
along their journey
In hopes that they too will know that
they have been called
They have been called… just like you
have been called my child… as part of my bride… to live a life worthy of your
calling… persevering through suffering and sacrifice
As I, your husband, was, am, and
will always be THE ultimate sacrifice
My sacrifice, I will
stand as a labourer for your cause
I will affiliate my
mission with the great co-mission
And marry my vision to
your greater vision
And what a visionary
you are my saviour– to see us now, all of us, each member of your church in all
our faults, yet still view us through the eyes of the potential we have…
Each life with purpose
ALL life has purpose
And to purpose my journey will lead me
Go with me oh God of
my strength
And in the face of suffering
and sacrifice
I will continue on...
...Step by step... Sarah Kenyi © 2014
