I once loved a man who grew up with an absent father
And he was beautiful
The kind of beautiful you only notice when you see through the pain
His heart had been broken and carried deep wounds caused by his hero
I could see it bleeding underneath his facade
He never stopped grieving his dad
But somewhere between boyhood and manhood
Bitterness took root as he navigated life without a compass,
He compartmentalized the pain,
Choosing stoicism over vulnerability.
So when love showed up, he couldn’t be vulnerable enough to receive it,
That would be too risky.
And so the man I once loved built impeccable walls
The kind that say attempt me please, yet simultaneously push you away
Avoidant. Guarded. Always halfway gone.
I still think about him sometimes
I wonder if he’s still carrying everything alone
I hope he isn’t still numbing his pain with vices
I hope his fears don't continue to prioritize solitude
I hope he learns to unlearn and relearn
And finally, I hope he can forgive his dad
And end the cycle of absent fathers.
Sarah Kenyi © 2025
