Absent fathers

I once loved a man who grew up with an absent father

And he was beautiful

The kind of beautiful you only notice when you see through the pain someone carries

His heart had been broken by his hero

I could see it bleeding underneath his facade

He never stopped grieving his dad

But somewhere between boyhood and manhood the grief hardened

Bitterness took root as he navigated life alone

Figuring out how to be a man without a compass

He buried the pain. Ignored it. Locked it away.

Choosing stoicism over vulnerability because it felt less dangerous. It felt less.

So when love showed up, my love, he turned it away

He couldn’t be vulnerable enough to receive it,

That would be too risky.

And so the man I once loved built impeccable walls

The kind that say come close but push you away when you come too close

Avoidant. Guarded. Always halfway gone.

I still think about him sometimes

I wonder if he’s still carrying everything alone

I hope he isn’t still numbing his pain with coping mechanisms 

I hope his fear of rejection doesn’t continue to choose loneliness

I hope he learns how to unlearn the notions that hardened him

To relearn how to be vulnerable, and how to be seen

And finally, for both their sakes,

I hope the man I once loved can forgive his father 

And end the cycle of broken men - from broken men…

The cycle of absent fathers.

Sarah Kenyi © 2025