Exploring things of significance to me (Non-poetic.)

Friday 21 November 2014

Step by step...

I named this poem after my mum's school for special needs children - Step by Step Learning Centre. I would like to dedicate it to her - my amazing mother Margaret Kenyi, and my beautiful eldest sister Ruth Kenyi.

Step by Step...

I remember it like it was yesterday 
As sighs frequented her breath
And quakes rippled her voice
My mother
She struggled not to cry as she gave recount in reply
To my impossible yet inevitable inquiry
Why?
Why did my beautiful eldest sister Ruth come to be autistic?

Ruth –in Hebrew it means companion, friend, vision of beauty
A name so befitting for my family's beloved ruby
Born healthy, a day in July, an angel in disguise- my parent’s first child, she opened her eyes
Then at the tender age of only two, a tragic event she and my parents went through
My sister had a severe allergic reaction to a vaccination which made her windpipes swell up obstructing her airway
She endured over 10 minutes without oxygen to her brain
And unfortunately this caused her to sustain
Permanent brain damage

I will never forget that unbearable conversation with my mother
My heart crumbled as I watched the tears flow down from her eyes
So later that night in bed I took up my impossible inquiry with Ruth’s other and ultimate creator - God
In an unmatched fury I hurled questions at Him
Where?
Where were you when my mother cried out to you in her suffering?
Didn't you say you knew us before we were born?
Didn't you say you pre-destined us before we were even conceived?
Then how?
How could you allow my sister's purpose to be stolen from her?!
Why her and not me?
Is she not also your child?!

My child – some things you weren't meant to understand
Some things are meant to be kept between only your sister and I
I DID know and pre-destine her before she was born
In fact I knew and predestined your mother before SHE was born too
I heard her that day in the hospital when she cried out to me
She asked me to send her an angel to save her baby
And I did
But that doctor was not the only angel I sent her
Tell your mother I sent her baby Ruth as an angel too
To save other mothers and their special needs babies…. through her…your mother…she is strong, and beautiful
Tell your mother I am so proud of her
Tell her she is doing an amazing job with the school she initiated for children with learning disabilities
She has sacrificed for those babies more than anyone will ever know –
Tell your mother she too is an angel
And tell your motherthat I, am El Roi – the God who sees

I see now that your hand was at work through everything my God
I see now that you used the broken road that my mother walked to bless others
It’s ironic that she named her special school Step by Step Learning Centre
I see now that life itself is a step by step journey to purpose

And to purpose your journey will lead YOU my child
Your journey- will be different
Encased with sufferings and sacrifices of its own
But you must always remember that I will only allow what you can bare
So that I can build you up along the journey
So that you can build others up along their journey
In hopes that they too will know that they have been called  
They have been called… just like you have been called my child… as part of my bride… to live a life worthy of your calling… persevering through suffering and sacrifice
As I, your husband, was, am, and will always be THE ultimate sacrifice

My sacrifice, I will stand as a labourer for your cause
I will affiliate my mission with the great co-mission
And marry my vision to your greater vision
And what a visionary you are my saviour– to see us now, all of us, each member of your church in all our faults, yet still view us through the eyes of the potential we have…
Each life with purpose
ALL life has purpose
And to purpose my journey will lead me
Go with me oh God of my strength
And in the face of suffering and sacrifice
I will continue on...

...Step by step...  

Sarah Kenyi © 2014


If you are interested, you can visit my mother's school's website at: http://www.sslc-tz.com/